This week in Literacy we have been looking at two of the Seven Basic Plots by Christopher Booker. The two plots we have been working on are called 'Rags to Riches' and 'Overcoming the Monster'. In the comments section below you will find our stories to meet these plots. We hope you enjoy reading them!
It was a peaceful morning; all was quiet in the village. Until the mysterious evil wizard said that he was going to take over the world so everybody ran to the enchanted forest. They hid from the wizard. But Dan was fearless and he stayed in the village and waited. While he was waiting, the wizard was in his castle plotting to take over the whole world. Dan ran up to the castle and said to him to “Stop!” but the wizard snubbed him. He flew away from his castle and started laying his mindreading devices in to the ground. Dan ran rapidly towards the wizard. The wizard looked unpleasant and he had a huge beard with a cloak and a wizard’s hat. Dan was just a normal boy with brown eyes and blonde hair. Dan ran as fast as he could. With all his force, he jolted the wizard to the floor. The wizard escaped! He was going towards the Empire State building!
Without a warning he activated the mindreading trapped, also his abducting snares. Dan tried to doge the traps and he did and the wizard took over all of the people accept 1 person, Dan he ran to the empire state he stopped the wizard Dan and tried to reach the button but he didn't reach it. Dan got so annoyed that he went in to a temper and threw the wizard down the stairs but Dan fell as well. he saw the wizards allies coming through the portal and so he needed to hurry so he could get his family back and other people in the world, he ran up the stairs and but he got tired so he took a rest.
Unfortunately he fell asleep for an hour and the wizards allies had already come though the portal and started to take over the world. Dan needed to hurry so he ran upstairs and tried to disable the trap, until he saw a code so he put his code cracker on it and opened the case to disable the trap.
He needed to do it unseen because there were wizards everywhere so he quietly and quickly pressed the button. Until he pressed the wrong button so it called the other allies in so he quickly pressed the other button and it deactivated the traps and the other wizards went back in to the portal and it closed.
And Dan saved the world from the wizards taking over the world. The wizard was banished from earth and went to space. Dan was rewarded and was the hero and he saved him energy for the next time. He wished there was never an evil monster, so he saved his energy for the next witchcraft creature attacked the world.
It is good but you have done to many 'so and 'ands' and some parts don't make sense. Also you have not put some commas. Do you know about ' but, or , yet or so which is also known as 'boys sentence' ? Over all it is really good
Once up on a time there was a mysterious boy who was made of steel he used to be called the bell boy he used to always whack his chest to make a bell noise. He hated it. He will always run into the house and put his head down. On the 16th of June 2014 something changed the ground started shaking and this big witchcraft came and he was called doomsday and he lived in an abandoned castle.
The boy of steel stopped dead in his tracks and then he ran up to the grotesqe, monstrous and bloodcurdling monster the boy was not scared and the boy said what are you doing here. Dooms day said come to destroy your village were terrified of doomsday is hideous. The boy of steel ran up to doomsday, punched boy of steel through a window and boy of steel said "what a punch".
Doomsday said let’s take this under the sea so what happened is the boy of steel hit him and boy of steel but the boy of steel were petrified really punched him and the boy went back to his village to see how everyone was and from then on the boy was king of the village and he was the protector of it and nothing will touch that village from now on the boy of steel was the best and if doomsday comes again we would have to face him again said the boy of steel!
In a terraced house on donkey lane a baby was being born it was a boy. The baby was called George but the mum Jan and the Dad Craig were worried. Because they are very poor and might have to put him in a care home. When he is born his mum said I am leaving to Chicago Illinois so she did and Craig was left to look after his son but he put him in a care home. Craig’s friend Neil had a bet on if Craig lost he had to let Neil Kiss his wife and if Craig won he would get for example a sports car or 5 grand. Unfortunately Craig wanted the bet off because his wife moved to Illinois but Neil was not happy with his bionic elbow wacked Craig round the face Neil shouted at him fine but im going to fight you for 60 grand see ya loser. Craig went home probably with a broken cheek bone meanwhile at the care home crackling in the kitchen there were three spacey Italian sausages spiting in a pan George is now six and ready for his sausages and still waiting for his dad to walk through the door and this night he actually did...
One joyful unclouded day there were these 4 friends and their names are Adam Bothal, Peter smith, Jackie Johnson and Emmet. Adam Bothal lives in a mansion Emmet and peter smith live in a village and Jackie Johnson lives in a city in both places there are lots of people there more than you can imagine. They’ve bought quite a few lottery tickets but it they bought a few just for themselves. Then these two people came and wanted to be friends with them and they said “yes” and their names were Brennan and William and they was delighted to be friends with Adam Bothal peter smith Jackie Johnson and emmet. So they went to the pub so they can introduce themselves to their new friends and it was their first time being friends; everyone they have the wouldn’t be there friends so they was sad but now there happy now; somebody wanted to be there friends. William and Brennan also bought a lot of lottery tickets but only one of them could have won the lottery. Suddenly they started seeing the lottery and only one of them one and it was for a million pound and the winner was Adam Bothal he was so crazy he almost broke the walls and tore the roof down!
Aw, why don’t I have any friends? Maybe because I’m weird maybe I’m just different than everyone else but why I’m a robot as well as everyone else so we wouldn’t be different. I wish my mum was here she would know what to do or my dad was here because he would know what to do too. La la la la we’re so happy la la la sang some robots from outside. Gazing through the window he saw 4 robots dancing around in his garden he was fuelled with delight and raced out to say hi , Hello I’m Walter nice to meet you what do you want to play shouted Walter. Err just give us a minute whispering they made a decision, we will play with you let us live with you. Okay come on in said Walter. Oh and one other thing you will be our servant and we will play with you. Sure and by the way what are your names asked Walter .our names are frank, Anne, lea and ben.
Frank, Anne, Lea & Ben leave him & go to a really big Mansion where there are pools & slides. So Walter goes & tries to find them & when he finds them he talks to Frank, Anne, Lea & Ben again & they realise that he is a really nice Robot & decide to let him stay with them & they are all extremely happy. Bye from Jessica
It was a calm and peaceful morning as the sun rose over the Eiffel tower and a tall pretty girl called jess was getting ready for her 12th anniversary of being the world’s best top secret Russian spy… but she lived in France. As she got out side and started to walk along the path a mysterious looking man walked by who had accidently knocked her shoulder, he had dark black sun shades on and a long beige coat with his long collar up covering his face! Jess knew it wasn’t a normal thing people wear around in her home town or any type of town she knew of! She had to find out what was going on so she secretly followed him but she had to keep out of sight! After walking about 1 mile she finally found where he was walking to, it turns out that he’s a secret spy as well.
As the sun sat on top of the clouds Golam sister called Tommy shout’s why do I have a boy name and her Mam said because I like boys names better than girls names so just dell with it . Tommy hade red eyes ,her skin was white as a ghost, her arms and legs was very long, Tommy’s mouth smelled like fish and she had tbacko on her teeth ,she has two strips of hair ,Tommy moves like a gorilla and she smelt like she just juped out of the sower.
Golam come to me now or I will tell Mam that you went out last night so you better get come here now ok I am coming now I want you to go to the volcano and get the ponsh or I will tell Mam what you did last night .
Tow hours later Golam went to the volcano I have to go up that Tommy shout’s yes you do ok . Yes I have found the ponsh now I can go and give it to Tommy .Golam what are you doing up there Iam getting the poush for you no stop get down from their now ok.
Have a soup of this when you are on your good side ok but I am on the bad side now so give me it no .
10 minuets later she on her good again have a soup now . Yes I am good now!
Once upon a dream! by Morgan It was one of the hottest days in the year, and little summer rose was playing in the playground with all the other boys and girls.Summer had two best friends called Amber and Sophia and they had been friends for more than 6 years. It was one normal day after school and the orphan home let the children go out for a sertan amount of time. Buy the way summers family died on an airplane trip to France and she was the only one that survived because her mother threw a big water ring and threw her into the water out of the plane window. When summer was out she decided to buy a lottery ticket because they were allowed in those days. Summer had a look at what the prize was and it was to become a princess and live with Queen Elsa and she would be your mum. So summer had a go thinking that she wouldn’t get the prize, as a result she read the numbers on her card and they was exactly the same numbers as the winning figures so summer had won. She got the winning ticket she was so happy she could cry she was that happy. But out of surprise the wind got really strong and the ticket was slowly slipping and sliding out of her hand, then the wind got even sturdier and blew the ticket right out of her hand and she was devastated. With her devastation she ran straight after the ticket but unfortunately she couldn’t get it so she had lost her life dream. So sadly summer walked back to the orphanage in the strong wind. When summer got back she went straight up to hers and Sophia’s bedroom and sat on her bed, when she sat down she heard a strange scrunching noise and stood up straight away. Summer thought it was one of those notes that her friends write for her. It wasn’t it was the winning lottery ticket straight on Summers bed so summer ran straight downstairs and told the boss of the orphanage and said I’m going to live with the queen. And then the queen said “you can bring two friends only with you” and summer chose obviously Sophia and Amber and they lived forever after.
Once a evil person called Snake lived on a mountain and he came down every day but that stopped 3 boys 1 called Adam Daniels 1 called Dave Johnson and Emmet and Brennan Hicken they hate mean people so one day they said lets go to the castle we need to stop this guy.
So the next day Bren went to go get Adam then they got Dave and at last they went for Emmet then they walked to the mountain Emmet was terrified Dave said come on lets climb up there it will only take a second 2 houses later are we there yet said Emmet? where almost there said Bren come on before he comes back down when they got up they saw a big castle they walked over a big long bridge they tried to open the door it was locked they went round to the side door they managed to get in.
“Where are you going?” asked Gemma. “I’m going to get a lottery ticket from the shop, I really want to win the 1 million pounds they’re giving out” replied Emma. Emma and Gemma were best friends. They were caring and loving for each other. Emma had blonde hair and brown eyes, and Gemma had brown hair and brown eyes. They enjoyed spending time together. “Do you have to get the Bus?” questioned Gemma. “Yes, unfortunately, I wish I could just snap my fingers and I would be where ever I want to be” sighed Emma. “Oh sorry, got to go, just got a text from my Mum saying that I have to be home in the next five minutes, See you later Emma!” said Gemma “Bye Gemma!” said Emma. Emma walked to the Bus stop, hoping that a Bus would come soon. Luckily for Emma the Bus came earlier than she thought it would. She must be having a really lucky day. Also, she found a ten pound note on the floor when she got off of the bus. This was a really, really lucky day for Emma. “I hope my day stays as lucky as it now” thought Emma. As Emma was walking towards the lottery shop, she realised that she still had the ten pound note that she found on the floor. So Emma went into New Look and bought some clothes for herself with the ten pounds. After that, she walked into the lottery shop and bought a ticket. Then she went out of the shop and realised that she had the winning lottery ticket! All of a sudden, she threw her arms in the air and shouted: YAYYYY!!! IT’S THE WINNING LOTTERY TICKET!!! Suddenly, somebody knocked Emma’s ticket straight out of her hand. It was too late for her to chase it because the wind had blown the ticket far away… “Noooo” shouted Emma. She didn’t know what to do. Looking very sad, Emma got the bus home. She told her Mum the brilliant and monstrous day she had had. Her Mum patted her on the back and gave her an envelope. In the envelope was a lottery ticket. It was the lottery ticket that had been blown out of her hand. “Yayyy” screamed Emma and her Mum. Emma’s Mum told Emma that she had saw the ticket when she was hanging out the washing. Emma’s day had a very happy ending.
Thousands of years ago the most terrible thing happened… A man named Tom had just developed a flying car, he was about to change the world by sending a space ship that people could live in, with food and water and fold down beds, into space. No one in the entire human history had ever done this before. People had been into space for a maximum of 15 minutes, no one had ever been in space for days. Tom was going to fire his space house out of our atmosphere in a couple of days. The time had come to fire Tom’s space house out of our atmosphere, the astronauts had just climbed into the space house then were shot off in to outer space. The astronaut’s names were Neil Armstrong, Johnny Tomas, Ben Thirty, Jerry Harrison, Bob Stuarts, James Key and Tony Baldwin. The rocket had been fired into space and the astronauts were being pushed back against their seats, holding on to them (for a reason even they didn’t know). Tom was now famous. After half an hour the astronauts started to slow down then they started to float because they were now in 0 gravity. Everyone in the city (that the astronauts live in) on Earth was now in a command centre talking to them. Suddenly the radio went static… The astronauts were now docking with an intergalactic space station 10x the size of theirs. The astronauts went to have a look around and thought that they were meant to dock at this place. There was nothing but silence. The silence was eerie… Unexpectedly a loud roar came from outside the space station it was a giant, green eyed, purple helmet and armoured, flying space guy. The space station was now being ripped apart. The astronauts had been eaten and the space guy now turned towards Earth… Tom lost his fame because they all thought they were going to die! Everyone was running around like headless chickens. Then they saw it. The monster that was 3x the size of Jupiter, eyes as green as freshly grown grass, skin as pale as paper (that you could hardly see because of the purple armour), mouth as red as a beautiful rose and teeth as shiny as the sun. All of the people in the world immediately came to the point where the monster was, to try and stop it. The societies were screaming things like die! Go away and leave us alone. WE HAVE’NT DONE ANYTHING TO YOU!!! Suddenly the monster spoke “My name is Galactus you have not done anything to me but I am very hungry!” Galactus bellowed “Well you have already eaten a space station with another one docked into it and astronauts on board!” Yelled Tim “I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR 3,000,000 YEARS AND I HAVE NOT EATEN ANYTHING IN THAT TIME!” Barked Galactus “Well go eat Jupiter!” “I can’t it is made of gas and your planet is the biggest planet I can actually eat!” “Tuff this is our planet, go find your own!” Galactus would not budge so Tim jumped in a flying car then flew it into Galactus’ eye right after he jumped out of it. Galactus gave a deafening roar then flew off, his eye healed almost instantly. Tom was now famous again. Galactus went to find his on planet; he eventually found one about 2x the size of him. A woman came that was the same size as Galactus and she wore everything he wore but in hot pink, her eyes were as blue as the cloudless sky. Galactus gave her half of the planet; they ate it together. At least Galactus was gone for now.
As the clouds descended over the mountains a fine looking girl came from the other side of the Earth. Speedily she fell to the ground in shock! Sweetie was the name of the girl meanwhile Sweetie woke up she found herself in a little house for instance a cottage. Sweetie creped through the opened door for freshness she looked around and she saw markets and animal farms As Sweetie was wondering where she was She thought who found her. As she had so many questions she carried on casually as nothing happened “hey who are you” bellowed a man as Sweetie was going to go back through woods. It all went quit and stopping dead in her tracks Sweetie walked to the man as her blood froze. An evil monster flew down to the village announcing “I will be here tomorrow to take over your time slaves ha” the evil monster laughed with his crooked voice. The whole village freaked out. Sweetie immediately said were does he live everybody stopped and looked at Sweetie in a freaky way Sweetie froze. A man came up to Sweetie “No man or girl never goes there and when they did they never ever came back” said the man frightfully. In legend a potion kills him and we have tried “Why is he not dead then” said Sweetie “ We made the potion wrong that is why he is not dead he has gone very were” sobbed the man “I’ve got it” in excitement Sweetie jumped out of her skin everybody joined as to kill the evil monster Sweetie got a maid suit and went up the mountain with secret potion she knocked fright fully on the door ding dong ding repeated so loud in the house an evil maid answered“ I want work for you now” “make me my power drink” ass the monster shouted his crooked voice bounced of the wall so you could not miss it. A horrifying voice came out the maid” Go make his order” said the maid as someone was screaming inside of her help! Sweetie terrified and was having second thoughts “two pigs feat four cockroaches five pig eyes two frogs legs” said a voice so mellow. Sweetie could be sick on the spot but it was still spine chilling to be in the monsters house and never seen his face Sweetie was led to the Kitchen by the maid Sweetie found everything she needed and made it as revolting it was the maid left sweetie poured have of it out and put potion in she was wondering would the potion mess up the old maid came to take it “AHHH” a unpleasant scram came he is dead a voiced screamed Sweetie screamed “HE IS DEAD opening the to the castle.
Many moons a go there live a dinosaur named Rex he lived in a castle on top of what he thought was a mountain nearby the mountain was an underground village. The monster had been living in the castle for ages and every now and then he keeps hearing a thunderous noise coming from under the castle. Eventually he slowly left his chair and strolled towards the door. He finally reached the outside and saw streams of lava coming from the top of the mountain. All he could think was that he was living on top of an un-erupted volcano. Then he had a brilliant idea. He went back up to the castle and eventually he started to plot what he thought was a brilliant idea. If you are wondering what his evil plan is then I will tell you what his mean plot is. He is planning to take all the villagers in to the castle and blow up the volcano and then live in the village. He came down to the village and just stared at every one and bellowed you fallow me or else I will smash your houses down. He led them down to the castle. They went in to the castles main room he walked to the back of the castle away from the door one of the villagers watched the dragon out of the window he realised what was happening he shouted get out of the castle now he is going to blow it up. Without moments of hesitation Anna opened the door and every one ran out. Anna followed every one down to the village she climbed on top of the large platform (that was called the platform of announcements) and bellowed I have an announcement to make “we need to make sure we never follow him again because one day we won’t get out quick enough and we will be blown up don’t be scared of him damaging our houses because I have a plan and if we don’t finish it we will sleep in the castle (which is the one in our village not Rex’s) that is made of diamond so are first step of the plan is to build a fence and a gate that can only be opened from the inside when it is locked. We will move all our furniture into the castle then we will start to change our houses into diamond I know this seems like it might take a while that is why we will be living in the castle until we have finished meanwhile Dave will be on the lookout so he can tell us when Rex is coming.
One luminous day a man called bob was cleaning the fences two minutes later the priminister saw him and he thought that he could be a good acting priminister.
So he brought bob in and talked about being an acting priminister but all of a sudden the priminister just relised there was already an acting priminister.
So the priminister said to bob if the acting priminister gets fired he will give bob the job as the acting priminister but the priminister let him join the capinate.
But the priminister found out that his friend was poisoned he was shocked so he asked the acting priminister and the acting priminister lied and said it was bob but it was really the acting priminister so bob was fired so he went home in tears but he heard someone knocking on his door it was a woman she said the person who poisoned the priministers friend was caught on tape.
So he brought his friend dougie’brennan and William his plan was to break into the acting priministers house the tape was in his bedroom.
He and his friends searched all rooms then I spotted his bedroom the tape was under his bed and his bedroom looked very mysterious so I took the tape and went to the police station.
So the police arrested the acting priminister so the priminister gave bob the job to be the acting priminister and he was full of joy and he was rich forever.
One rosy day, a man called charms was plotting to take over the castle. Elsa was a queen who had a sister called Anna who lived in the castle Anna took the queen’s magic glove off to get her attention. Elsa said “give me my glove back”. Suddenly, she saw charms carrying a big sword charms said “you are not the queen”. Elsa was scared because she thought she was going to get killed. Anna pushed away the sword. This is the real queen. That not he real queen. Then Anna said that’s my sister then charms said no you are not sister. Elsa said am the queen you are not the king yes am the king in going to freeze you forever… You can’ do enchanted yes I can said Elsa.
Without a moment’s hesitation, there was a woman called the ice queen she speaks an Irish accent she lives in India and her mum and dad lives’ in Antarctica and she goes there all the time but this year she can’t go over because there is a flood and if she goes into the flood she can have serious problems when she enters the country. Gazing out of the window, the ice queen shouted HELP oh HELP till she got out of the fire in her house. The ice queen has blue eyes, Her skin is pale as a bar of soap, Her arms and legs are skinny as a spider, She has some teeth that yellow, Her hair is blue with purple dip die on her ends, She smells off Paul smith it’s an overwhelming smell She is age 29 she has 2 children one aged 2 years and another one aged 3 years old. The ice queen dies at age 40.
One sunny day in Leeds John went into his time machine but Lois walked into John’s room to put him to sleep so she walked into his time machine and slipped, she hit a button and they went to Goldman’s pharmacy Mort said hi when they were selling scratch cards so they purchased one. The raffle for that ticket ended on that Friday from when they went back in time. Lois asked John how to get back so Stewie pulled out his return pad and took her back. When they got back Mayor North was telling the numbers “here it comes said Peter. “12 23 40 50”! Yay!!! “We won it I can get some new sneakers” Screamed Chris. “Let’s go to Disney Land in Florida” said Lois “What the deuce instead of talking set off. LOIS” Said John. “Give me that money!” Said Jerome “I’m going to get Joe” said Peter. “Hey Jerome thanks for the cash” Said Joe. “Were rich again” Said everyone `
This is Luke (st thomas of Canterbury ) . That looks fun!
ReplyDeleteAlmost the End by Joe
ReplyDeleteIt was a peaceful morning; all was quiet in the village. Until the mysterious evil wizard said that he was going to take over the world so everybody ran to the enchanted forest. They hid from the wizard.
But Dan was fearless and he stayed in the village and waited. While he was waiting, the wizard was in his castle plotting to take over the whole world. Dan ran up to the castle and said to him to “Stop!” but the wizard snubbed him. He flew away from his castle and started laying his mindreading devices in to the ground. Dan ran rapidly towards the wizard. The wizard looked unpleasant and he had a huge beard with a cloak and a wizard’s hat.
Dan was just a normal boy with brown eyes and blonde hair. Dan ran as fast as he could. With all his force, he jolted the wizard to the floor. The wizard escaped! He was going towards the Empire State building!
Without a warning he activated the mindreading trapped, also his abducting snares. Dan tried to doge the traps and he did and the wizard took over all of the people accept 1 person, Dan he ran to the empire state he stopped the wizard Dan and tried to reach the button but he didn't reach it. Dan got so annoyed that he went in to a temper and threw the wizard down the stairs but Dan fell as well. he saw the wizards allies coming through the portal and so he needed to hurry so he could get his family back and other people in the world, he ran up the stairs and but he got tired so he took a rest.
Unfortunately he fell asleep for an hour and the wizards allies had already come though the portal and started to take over the world. Dan needed to hurry so he ran upstairs and tried to disable the trap, until he saw a code so he put his code cracker on it and opened the case to disable the trap.
He needed to do it unseen because there were wizards everywhere so he quietly and quickly pressed the button. Until he pressed the wrong button so it called the other allies in so he quickly pressed the other button and it deactivated the traps and the other wizards went back in to the portal and it closed.
And Dan saved the world from the wizards taking over the world. The wizard was banished from earth and went to space. Dan was rewarded and was the hero and he saved him energy for the next time. He wished there was never an evil monster, so he saved his energy for the next witchcraft creature attacked the world.
It is good but you have done to many 'so and 'ands' and some parts don't make sense. Also you have not put some commas. Do you know about ' but, or , yet or so which is also known as 'boys sentence' ? Over all it is really good
DeleteI liked your story. It was very creative. I especially loved the part about the portal. You might you want to go easy on the "ands."
DeleteBell Boy by Dilraj
ReplyDeleteOnce up on a time there was a mysterious boy who was made of steel he used to be called the bell boy he used to always whack his chest to make a bell noise. He hated it. He will always run into the house and put his head down. On the 16th of June 2014 something changed the ground started shaking and this big witchcraft came and he was called doomsday and he lived in an abandoned castle.
The boy of steel stopped dead in his tracks and then he ran up to the grotesqe, monstrous and bloodcurdling monster the boy was not scared and the boy said what are you doing here. Dooms day said come to destroy your village were terrified of doomsday is hideous. The boy of steel ran up to doomsday, punched boy of steel through a window and boy of steel said "what a punch".
Doomsday said let’s take this under the sea so what happened is the boy of steel hit him and boy of steel but the boy of steel were petrified really punched him and the boy went back to his village to see how everyone was and from then on the boy was king of the village and he was the protector of it and nothing will touch that village from now on the boy of steel was the best and if doomsday comes again we would have to face him again said the boy of steel!
THE END
Maybe you should start by telling more about him, and then put 16th of June. I like that you said he stopped dead in his tracks.
DeleteChild Loss by Dougie
ReplyDeleteIn a terraced house on donkey lane a baby was being born it was a boy. The baby was called George but the mum Jan and the Dad Craig were worried. Because they are very poor and might have to put him in a care home. When he is born his mum said I am leaving to Chicago Illinois so she did and Craig was left to look after his son but he put him in a care home. Craig’s friend Neil had a bet on if Craig lost he had to let Neil Kiss his wife and if Craig won he would get for example a sports car or 5 grand. Unfortunately Craig wanted the bet off because his wife moved to Illinois but Neil was not happy with his bionic elbow wacked Craig round the face Neil shouted at him fine but im going to fight you for 60 grand see ya loser. Craig went home probably with a broken cheek bone meanwhile at the care home crackling in the kitchen there were three spacey Italian sausages spiting in a pan George is now six and ready for his sausages and still waiting for his dad to walk through the door and this night he actually did...
I like how you made it sound so real.
DeleteThe Lottery Win by Josh
ReplyDeleteOne joyful unclouded day there were these 4 friends and their names are Adam Bothal, Peter smith, Jackie Johnson and Emmet. Adam Bothal lives in a mansion Emmet and peter smith live in a village and Jackie Johnson lives in a city in both places there are lots of people there more than you can imagine.
They’ve bought quite a few lottery tickets but it they bought a few just for themselves. Then these two people came and wanted to be friends with them and they said “yes” and their names were Brennan and William and they was delighted to be friends with Adam Bothal peter smith Jackie Johnson and emmet.
So they went to the pub so they can introduce themselves to their new friends and it was their first time being friends; everyone they have the wouldn’t be there friends so they was sad but now there happy now; somebody wanted to be there friends. William and Brennan also bought a lot of lottery tickets but only one of them could have won the lottery.
Suddenly they started seeing the lottery and only one of them one and it was for a million pound and the winner was Adam Bothal he was so crazy he almost broke the walls and tore the roof down!
Maia, we'll don Josh on your story. Can't wate to reed more
DeleteI like how you check your spelling and put punctuation where they belong. I think this would be better if you put more expression.
DeleteThe Lonely Robot by Jessica
ReplyDeleteAw, why don’t I have any friends? Maybe because I’m weird maybe I’m just different than everyone else but why I’m a robot as well as everyone else so we wouldn’t be different. I wish my mum was here she would know what to do or my dad was here because he would know what to do too. La la la la we’re so happy la la la sang some robots from outside. Gazing through the window he saw 4 robots dancing around in his garden he was fuelled with delight and raced out to say hi , Hello I’m Walter nice to meet you what do you want to play shouted Walter. Err just give us a minute whispering they made a decision, we will play with you let us live with you. Okay come on in said Walter. Oh and one other thing you will be our servant and we will play with you. Sure and by the way what are your names asked Walter .our names are frank, Anne, lea and ben.
I love this story. Tell me more about the lonely robot!
DeleteFrank, Anne, Lea & Ben leave him & go to a really big Mansion where there are pools & slides. So Walter goes & tries to find them & when he finds them he talks to Frank, Anne, Lea & Ben again & they realise that he is a really nice Robot & decide to let him stay with them & they are all extremely happy. Bye from Jessica
DeleteMy Russain Spy Strange by Lois
ReplyDeleteIt was a calm and peaceful morning as the sun rose over the Eiffel tower and a tall pretty girl called jess was getting ready for her 12th anniversary of being the world’s best top secret Russian spy… but she lived in France.
As she got out side and started to walk along the path a mysterious looking man walked by who had accidently knocked her shoulder, he had dark black sun shades on and a long beige coat with his long collar up covering his face! Jess knew it wasn’t a normal thing people wear around in her home town or any type of town she knew of! She had to find out what was going on so she secretly followed him but she had to keep out of sight! After walking about 1 mile she finally found where he was walking to, it turns out that he’s a secret spy as well.
You make some run-on sentences. I like your story.
DeleteMy Story by Tullyanne
ReplyDeleteAs the sun sat on top of the clouds Golam sister called Tommy shout’s why do I have a boy name and her Mam said because I like boys names better than girls names so just dell with it .
Tommy hade red eyes ,her skin was white as a ghost, her arms and legs was very long, Tommy’s mouth smelled like fish and she had tbacko on her teeth ,she has two strips of hair ,Tommy moves like a gorilla and she smelt like she just juped out of the sower.
Golam come to me now or I will tell Mam that you went out last night so you better get come here now ok I am coming now I want you to go to the volcano and get the ponsh or I will tell Mam what you did last night .
Tow hours later Golam went to the volcano I have to go up that Tommy shout’s yes you do ok .
Yes I have found the ponsh now I can go and give it to Tommy .Golam what are you doing up there Iam getting the poush for you no stop get down from their now ok.
Have a soup of this when you are on your good side ok but I am on the bad side now so give me it no .
10 minuets later she on her good again have a soup now .
Yes I am good now!
I really like your story but could you check your spelling on some words?
DeleteOnce upon a dream! by Morgan
ReplyDeleteIt was one of the hottest days in the year, and little summer rose was playing in the playground with all the other boys and girls.Summer had two best friends called Amber and Sophia and they had been friends for more than 6 years.
It was one normal day after school and the orphan home let the children go out for a sertan amount of time. Buy the way summers family died on an airplane trip to France and she was the only one that survived because her mother threw a big water ring and threw her into the water out of the plane window.
When summer was out she decided to buy a lottery ticket because they were allowed in those days. Summer had a look at what the prize was and it was to become a princess and live with Queen Elsa and she would be your mum.
So summer had a go thinking that she wouldn’t get the prize, as a result she read the numbers on her card and they was exactly the same numbers as the winning figures so summer had won.
She got the winning ticket she was so happy she could cry she was that happy. But out of surprise the wind got really strong and the ticket was slowly slipping and sliding out of her hand, then the wind got even sturdier and blew the ticket right out of her hand and she was devastated.
With her devastation she ran straight after the ticket but unfortunately she couldn’t get it so she had lost her life dream. So sadly summer walked back to the orphanage in the strong wind.
When summer got back she went straight up to hers and Sophia’s bedroom and sat on her bed, when she sat down she heard a strange scrunching noise and stood up straight away.
Summer thought it was one of those notes that her friends write for her. It wasn’t it was the winning lottery ticket straight on Summers bed so summer ran straight downstairs and told the boss of the orphanage and said I’m going to live with the queen.
And then the queen said “you can bring two friends only with you” and summer chose obviously Sophia and Amber and they lived forever after.
The end
I really like your descriptive words. I'm really impressed with your writing!
DeleteYour story is very interesting and I love it, but maybe next time you could check your capitalizing and grammar.
DeleteTeam Amazing by Brennan
ReplyDeleteOnce a evil person called Snake lived on a mountain and he came down every day but that stopped 3 boys 1 called Adam Daniels 1 called Dave Johnson and Emmet and Brennan Hicken they hate mean people so one day they said lets go to the castle we need to stop this guy.
So the next day Bren went to go get Adam then they got Dave and at last they went for Emmet then they walked to the mountain Emmet was terrified Dave said come on lets climb up there it will only take a second 2 houses later are we there yet said Emmet? where almost there said Bren come on before he comes back down when they got up they saw a big castle they walked over a big long bridge they tried to open the door it was locked they went round to the side door they managed to get in.
It is pretty cool how you pulled names out of the blue.It takes me a long time to think of them. And your story was awesome!!!
DeleteThe Lottery Ticket by Ayisha
ReplyDelete“Where are you going?” asked Gemma. “I’m going to get a lottery ticket from the shop, I really want to win the 1 million pounds they’re giving out” replied Emma. Emma and Gemma were best friends. They were caring and loving for each other. Emma had blonde hair and brown eyes, and Gemma had brown hair and brown eyes. They enjoyed spending time together. “Do you have to get the Bus?” questioned Gemma. “Yes, unfortunately, I wish I could just snap my fingers and I would be where ever I want to be” sighed Emma. “Oh sorry, got to go, just got a text from my Mum saying that I have to be home in the next five minutes, See you later Emma!” said Gemma “Bye Gemma!” said Emma.
Emma walked to the Bus stop, hoping that a Bus would come soon. Luckily for Emma the Bus came earlier than she thought it would. She must be having a really lucky day. Also, she found a ten pound note on the floor when she got off of the bus. This was a really, really lucky day for Emma. “I hope my day stays as lucky as it now” thought Emma.
As Emma was walking towards the lottery shop, she realised that she still had the ten pound note that she found on the floor. So Emma went into New Look and bought some clothes for herself with the ten pounds. After that, she walked into the lottery shop and bought a ticket. Then she went out of the shop and realised that she had the winning lottery ticket! All of a sudden, she threw her arms in the air and shouted: YAYYYY!!! IT’S THE WINNING LOTTERY TICKET!!!
Suddenly, somebody knocked Emma’s ticket straight out of her hand. It was too late for her to chase it because the wind had blown the ticket far away… “Noooo” shouted Emma. She didn’t know what to do. Looking very sad, Emma got the bus home. She told her Mum the brilliant and monstrous day she had had. Her Mum patted her on the back and gave her an envelope. In the envelope was a lottery ticket. It was the lottery ticket that had been blown out of her hand. “Yayyy” screamed Emma and her Mum. Emma’s Mum told Emma that she had saw the ticket when she was hanging out the washing. Emma’s day had a very happy ending.
I love your story but how did the girls become friends?
DeleteThe Monster by Callum
ReplyDeleteThousands of years ago the most terrible thing happened…
A man named Tom had just developed a flying car, he was about to change the world by sending a space ship that people could live in, with food and water and fold down beds, into space. No one in the entire human history had ever done this before. People had been into space for a maximum of 15 minutes, no one had ever been in space for days. Tom was going to fire his space house out of our atmosphere in a couple of days.
The time had come to fire Tom’s space house out of our atmosphere, the astronauts had just climbed into the space house then were shot off in to outer space. The astronaut’s names were Neil Armstrong, Johnny Tomas, Ben Thirty, Jerry Harrison, Bob Stuarts, James Key and Tony Baldwin. The rocket had been fired into space and the astronauts were being pushed back against their seats, holding on to them (for a reason even they didn’t know).
Tom was now famous.
After half an hour the astronauts started to slow down then they started to float because they were now in 0 gravity. Everyone in the city (that the astronauts live in) on Earth was now in a command centre talking to them.
Suddenly the radio went static…
The astronauts were now docking with an intergalactic space station 10x the size of theirs. The astronauts went to have a look around and thought that they were meant to dock at this place. There was nothing but silence. The silence was eerie…
Unexpectedly a loud roar came from outside the space station it was a giant, green eyed, purple helmet and armoured, flying space guy. The space station was now being ripped apart. The astronauts had been eaten and the space guy now turned towards Earth…
Tom lost his fame because they all thought they were going to die!
Everyone was running around like headless chickens. Then they saw it. The monster that was 3x the size of Jupiter, eyes as green as freshly grown grass, skin as pale as paper (that you could hardly see because of the purple armour), mouth as red as a beautiful rose and teeth as shiny as the sun.
All of the people in the world immediately came to the point where the monster was, to try and stop it. The societies were screaming things like die! Go away and leave us alone. WE HAVE’NT DONE ANYTHING TO YOU!!!
Suddenly the monster spoke “My name is Galactus you have not done anything to me but I am very hungry!” Galactus bellowed
“Well you have already eaten a space station with another one docked into it and astronauts on board!” Yelled Tim
“I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR 3,000,000 YEARS AND I HAVE NOT EATEN ANYTHING IN THAT TIME!” Barked Galactus
“Well go eat Jupiter!”
“I can’t it is made of gas and your planet is the biggest planet I can actually eat!”
“Tuff this is our planet, go find your own!”
Galactus would not budge so Tim jumped in a flying car then flew it into Galactus’ eye right after he jumped out of it. Galactus gave a deafening roar then flew off, his eye healed almost instantly.
Tom was now famous again.
Galactus went to find his on planet; he eventually found one about 2x the size of him. A woman came that was the same size as Galactus and she wore everything he wore but in hot pink, her eyes were as blue as the cloudless sky. Galactus gave her half of the planet; they ate it together.
At least Galactus was gone for now.
I think your story was interesting but one of the things you need to work on is where you put punctuation.
DeleteThe Monster by Kieran
ReplyDeleteAs the clouds descended over the mountains a fine looking girl came from the other side of the Earth. Speedily she fell to the ground in shock! Sweetie was the name of the girl meanwhile Sweetie woke up she found herself in a little house for instance a cottage. Sweetie creped through the opened door for freshness she looked around and she saw markets and animal farms As Sweetie was wondering where she was She thought who found her. As she had so many questions she carried on casually as nothing happened “hey who are you” bellowed a man as Sweetie was going to go back through woods. It all went quit and stopping dead in her tracks Sweetie walked to the man as her blood froze.
An evil monster flew down to the village announcing
“I will be here tomorrow to take over your time slaves ha” the evil monster laughed with his crooked voice. The whole village freaked out. Sweetie immediately said were does he live everybody stopped and looked at Sweetie in a freaky way Sweetie froze. A man came up to Sweetie “No man or girl never goes there and when they did they never ever came back” said the man frightfully. In legend a potion kills him and we have tried “Why is he not dead then” said Sweetie “ We made the potion wrong that is why he is not dead he has gone very were” sobbed the man “I’ve got it” in excitement Sweetie jumped out of her skin everybody joined as to kill the evil monster Sweetie got a maid suit and went up the mountain with secret potion she knocked fright fully on the door ding dong ding repeated so loud in the house an evil maid answered“ I want work for you now” “make me my power drink” ass the monster shouted his crooked voice bounced of the wall so you could not miss it. A horrifying voice came out the maid” Go make his order” said the maid as someone was screaming inside of her help! Sweetie terrified and was having second thoughts “two pigs feat four cockroaches five pig eyes two frogs legs” said a voice so mellow. Sweetie could be sick on the spot but it was still spine chilling to be in the monsters house and never seen his face
Sweetie was led to the Kitchen by the maid Sweetie found everything she needed and made it as revolting it was the maid left sweetie poured have of it out and put potion in she was wondering would the potion mess up the old maid came to take it “AHHH” a unpleasant scram came he is dead a voiced screamed Sweetie screamed “HE IS DEAD opening the to the castle.
I liked the story because it was interesting and a story that you would get into. I just think you should tell where they are.
DeleteThe Monstrous Volcano by Michaela
ReplyDeleteMany moons a go there live a dinosaur named Rex he lived in a castle on top of what he thought was a mountain nearby the mountain was an underground village.
The monster had been living in the castle for ages and every now and then he keeps hearing a thunderous noise coming from under the castle. Eventually he slowly left his chair and strolled towards the door. He finally reached the outside and saw streams of lava coming from the top of the mountain. All he could think was that he was living on top of an un-erupted volcano. Then he had a brilliant idea. He went back up to the castle and eventually he started to plot what he thought was a brilliant idea. If you are wondering what his evil plan is then I will tell you what his mean plot is. He is planning to take all the villagers in to the castle and blow up the volcano and then live in the village.
He came down to the village and just stared at every one and bellowed you fallow me or else I will smash your houses down. He led them down to the castle. They went in to the castles main room he walked to the back of the castle away from the door one of the villagers watched the dragon out of the window he realised what was happening he shouted get out of the castle now he is going to blow it up. Without moments of hesitation Anna opened the door and every one ran out. Anna followed every one down to the village she climbed on top of the large platform (that was called the platform of announcements) and bellowed I have an announcement to make “we need to make sure we never follow him again because one day we won’t get out quick enough and we will be blown up don’t be scared of him damaging our houses because I have a plan and if we don’t finish it we will sleep in the castle (which is the one in our village not Rex’s) that is made of diamond so are first step of the plan is to build a fence and a gate that can only be opened from the inside when it is locked. We will move all our furniture into the castle then we will start to change our houses into diamond I know this seems like it might take a while that is why we will be living in the castle until we have finished meanwhile Dave will be on the lookout so he can tell us when Rex is coming.
You should maybe change the sentence that says "and all the other animals was gone as well" to be "were gone as well" but great story.
DeleteTHE NEW ACTING PRIMINISTER by Lewis
ReplyDeleteOne luminous day a man called bob was cleaning the fences two minutes later the priminister saw him and he thought that he could be a good acting priminister.
So he brought bob in and talked about being an acting priminister but all of a sudden the priminister just relised there was already an acting priminister.
So the priminister said to bob if the acting priminister gets fired he will give bob the job as the acting priminister but the priminister let him join the capinate.
But the priminister found out that his friend was poisoned he was shocked so he asked the acting priminister and the acting priminister lied and said it was bob but it was really the acting priminister so bob was fired so he went home in tears but he heard someone knocking on his door it was a woman she said the person who poisoned the priministers friend was caught on tape.
So he brought his friend dougie’brennan and William his plan was to break into the acting priministers house the tape was in his bedroom.
He and his friends searched all rooms then I spotted his bedroom the tape was under his bed and his bedroom looked very mysterious so I took the tape and went to the police station.
So the police arrested the acting priminister so the priminister gave bob the job to be the acting priminister and he was full of joy and he was rich forever.
My Story by Amelia
ReplyDeleteOne rosy day, a man called charms was plotting to take over the castle.
Elsa was a queen who had a sister called Anna who lived in the castle
Anna took the queen’s magic glove off to get her attention.
Elsa said “give me my glove back”. Suddenly, she saw charms carrying a big sword charms said “you are not the queen”.
Elsa was scared because she thought she was going to get killed.
Anna pushed away the sword.
This is the real queen.
That not he real queen.
Then Anna said that’s my sister then charms said no you are not sister.
Elsa said am the queen you are not the king yes am the king in going to freeze you forever…
You can’ do enchanted yes I can said Elsa.
I loved that you like princesses just like me but you need to work on your paragraphs.
DeleteAntarctica by Megan
ReplyDeleteWithout a moment’s hesitation, there was a woman called the ice queen she speaks an Irish accent she lives in India and her mum and dad lives’ in Antarctica and she goes there all the time but this year she can’t go over because there is a flood and if she goes into the flood she can have serious problems when she enters the country. Gazing out of the window, the ice queen shouted HELP oh HELP till she got out of the fire in her house.
The ice queen has blue eyes,
Her skin is pale as a bar of soap,
Her arms and legs are skinny as a spider,
She has some teeth that yellow,
Her hair is blue with purple dip die on her ends,
She smells off Paul smith it’s an overwhelming smell
She is age 29 she has 2 children one aged 2 years and another one aged 3 years old.
The ice queen dies at age 40.
I like how you explained it but could you check your spelling?
DeleteThe Day of Good Luck by William
ReplyDeleteOne sunny day in Leeds John went into his time machine but Lois walked into John’s room to put him to sleep so she walked into his time machine and slipped, she hit a button and they went to Goldman’s pharmacy Mort said hi when they were selling scratch cards so they purchased one. The raffle for that ticket ended on that Friday from when they went back in time. Lois asked John how to get back so Stewie pulled out his return pad and took her back. When they got back Mayor North was telling the numbers “here it comes said Peter. “12 23 40 50”! Yay!!!
“We won it I can get some new sneakers” Screamed Chris.
“Let’s go to Disney Land in Florida” said Lois
“What the deuce instead of talking set off. LOIS” Said John.
“Give me that money!” Said Jerome
“I’m going to get Joe” said Peter.
“Hey Jerome thanks for the cash” Said Joe.
“Were rich again” Said everyone `
Is this supposed to be Family Guy because I like Family Guy. One thing you should change is you should name the machine.
DeleteI really like your story. What was it like when you saw the time machine?
DeleteWhat type of book is this?
ReplyDelete